Finally an update

Well, so much for regularly updating this thing!

Our transition to life in Michigan has far exceeded my expectations.  Steve loves his job.  It has been such a confirmation for us that this is where God wants us.  It has been amazing to see him thrive doing something he enjoys on a daily basis.

Steve started his job immediately, but I stayed home with the kiddos to get them settled to our new life.  Life at home was definitely not what I envisioned.  Our 3.5 year old is incredibly strong willed and we have been struggling with finding effective ways of disciplining him.  Despite this he is becoming this incredible little boy right before our eyes!  He is able to attend an Awana Cubbies program at our church and it has been such a joy see him develop a love of God's Word.  One major accomplishment while I was home was getting him potty trained finally!  It is SO nice only have one kid in diapers now!

Eliana continues to be our tiny princess.  She is so different from her brother.  She gets into everything!  She is also much more verbal than Elijah was at this age.  She has mastered "mama" and "dada", "yeah" and is starting to say "lijah."  She started taking first steps at 10 months and now at 11 months is fully walking.  It is so funny to see this tiny little girl who still wears 9mo clothes walking around.

I started back to work last week.  God continues to bless us beyond our imaginations here, and my new job is no different.  I can hardly believe how great it seems to be.  Working in community mental health can be challenging, but my new employer seems to value it's staff and want to see us thrive as individuals.  I love being back at work.  I understand that some women feel called to be at home full time, but I learned the 7 weeks I stayed home that I am definitely not one of them.  I truly believe God has called me to work in the field I do, and I'm a better mom because of it.  God even provided the perfect child care situation, and Eli asks me every day if it's time to go to "Miss Karen's" so he can play with his "best friends."  I can see Eliana benefiting from the social interaction as well.

There's our update for now!  There will definitely be more posts to come as we enter the busy season of Thanksgiving, a First Birthday, and Christmas!!

Some days it just hits you...

Let me begin this post by saying...I think it's a good thing overall that people are being open and honest about infant loss and miscarriage on social media.  I think it is good to shed light into this dark place in a person's life.  I also think it reminds us that people are mourning the loss of a LIFE.

That being said, whenever I see these posts it brings to light the now dull ache of the loss of our first baby.  Those moments make me treasure the sweet moments with my 2 beautiful children, and be thankful during times I want to pull my hair out.  Eliana seemed to sense my sadness yesterday and was extra cuddly.  I love how children are so in tune to their mommas.

This Friday we move, and for some reason that move is bringing to the surface these lasting feelings of loss that I have.  There is this deep part of me that feels like I'm leaving a child behind.  I'm not saying this is necessarily a rational part of me, but there is something quite horrible to have in your medical record a pathology report that has the specimen listed as Product of Conception...and that is all that is left of your baby.  Your baby is disposed of as medical waste.  Its a reality of first trimester miscarriage that people don't talk about, but there it is.  All there is to move is a tiny box of mementos of that precious baby we both wanted so badly.

Now that we have a boy and a girl, people ask us all the time if we are done having kids.  My answer is always probably.  After all, we have the "All-American Family."  What they don't know is that I just don't feel like I can do it again.  The anxiety, the hope, the fear...they are such raw emotions.  I never want to fill out the paperwork that asks you how many pregnancies you've had and have a different answer for number of live births.  Its just awful...

This post doesn't have a neat and clean ending...because I just don't have one right now.  Sometimes life isn't wrapped in pretty packaging...it just is

One week!

One week from today is my last day of work. I am so worn down emotionally from my job right now that it feels like that day cannot come soon enough. I work with a group of people that can be difficult, and lately it feels like all of my time and energy spent trying to help individuals is a complete waste if time...it's just so frustrating

Packing feels overwhelming. I've gotten to where I figure we are close enough to the move that even if I pack something I wanted to leave out I can survive a week without it. Our little apartment seems so crammed with these piles of boxes. Our relo cubes come on Tuesday and I cannot wait to get things in to them and out of my way!!!

As I drive around for work I'm starting to become very emotional about leaving. A lot of major life events happened here, and I'm feeling very nostalgic.  

So if you see me in the next week and I look like a crazy person...well, you've been warned!

3 weeks

Today marked exactly 3 weeks until my last day of work. To honor this occasion I thought I would introduce you all to what it is that I do...or at least attempt to explain :)

I work for Penn Foundation, which is a community mental health organization. More specifically, I work on an Assertive Community Treatment (ACT) team. Basically, we work in the community with people who have severe and persistent mental health diagnoses (schizophrenia, bipolar, etc). My job is absolutely insane, busy, and requires way to much paperwork. Despite this, I love it. I love working with a population that is under served, specifically by the Church. I love getting to help people everyday and giving them hope that they can be more than they have been told.

This is also the longest I have ever been at a job. I have worked in this position for 4.5 years. It is such a long time, and because do the nature of my work, my co-workers and I have formed a second family...dysfunctional as we may be. I will miss them, and in some ways I will miss my job.  I will not miss working full time hours and then being on call. I will not miss the paperwork. I will not miss the frustration of dealing with a broken welfare system that is set up to discourage people from working and bettering themselves.

It's been the experience of a lifetime. I encourage you to click on the link about for ACT. It is a pretty good explanation. It does not include the awesome stories I can tell. We joke all the time at work how you just can't make some of this stuff up!

But only 3 more weeks. I have a pile of treatment plans sitting on my desk I need to finish. I have a client who will be homeless Friday that I need to figure out housing for, and a whole mess of progress notes. Should be a fun 3 weeks....or not :)

42 days

My hubby informed me today that we are moving in 42 days. It feels far off yet rapidly approaching! Lately I have been feeling a little sad about the move. Sunday was emotional for me.  There was communion Sunday at our church, and I will forever be in awe of how gracious God is.  After church we went to the Philadelphia Zoo with my in-laws.  It was such a fun day, but I couldn't help but be a little sad that we will be living far away from them.  I grew up living within 10 minutes of both sets of my grandparents, and it makes me sad my kids won't have that.  My kids, especially my 3 year old, have such a special relationship with their Grandma and Grandpa Kiser.

Eli butting in to see whats going on.  He is just so curious!

Eli's first swan boat ride!

Eli with his Grandpa.  I love this picture

How our sweet Ellie-girl took in the day

A Sad Goodbye and a Family Fun Night

Part of our moving process is getting rid of a lot of things we won't need in our new place. One of those things is my 3 year old's toddler sized car bed. In our new place he's going to be in a full-sized bed, and I'm having fun gathering ideas for his Mickey themed room. Facebook has all these yard sale groups that make it easy to sell things. Needless to say, his car bed sold within 2 days!  I warned him when we were in the car on the way home that his bed was gone, but his reaction to going into his room and seeing it gone was so sad!  I had gotten a great deal when I bought it, and I actually sold it at a profit...can't beat that!

A boy and his daddy.  Doesn't get better than this!

Anyways, the boy needed a good distraction to his heartbreak. Thankfully, the neighboring town was having a carnival!  Eli had so much fun going on his first roller coaster!  It was so nice to have a fun night as a family. It has been a while since my hubby didn't work late on a Friday. It made me so thankful that will be changing when we move and there will be so many more moments like last night!  The fair is going on in my hometown this week, so next year we can do this again next year!

such cuteness!

Off we go!

Eli's first roller coaster.  He told me I couldn't take a picture

Tomorrow we are off to the zoo with my in laws after church. I am so looking forward to a day making some lasting memories we can take with us!

When God moves

Parenting two small children while working full time is hard.  To be honest, its much harder than I ever imagined it would be.  I spend most days feeling overwhelmed.  Steve's job has crazy hours.  They are never the same, and he works 9 hour days.  He could work 4am-2, followed by 10-7, only to work 3:30-close the next night.  I don't remember the last time he had a Saturday and Sunday off back to back.  It's rare that we even have one weekend day off together (I work a weekend every 5 weeks, a later shift every Tuesday, and have on call duties thrown in the mix too!).  We had a pretty good system down with Eli, but things have been so much more difficult to juggle since having Eliana.  We are SO blessed to have family near to help with childcare, but lack of quality time as a family unit has made us weary.  Besides Steve's crazy hours, our biggest challenge has been insurance.  The insurance through Steve's work is just terrible, and my employer has great benefits.  This made it pretty much impossible for me to work anything less than full time.  We began praying for a solution.  First, I applied and interviewed for a different position at the community mental health organization I work for.  I ended up not getting it..which I was fine with because I wasn't sure it was a good fit in the end.  I actually love what I do (definitely another blog post), it is just too hard to do while being mom to small children.  We began to pray for Steve to find a better job.  A job at a company he could grow with and have a career at...and a job with good benefits.

Sometimes, when God moves, it isn't small...its HUGE.  In this case...God is literally moving us!  While we were on vacation mid-July Steve had a job interview, and last week he got the call offering him the position.  That's right...the Kisers are moving to Michigan!  Steve is taking a job at Gordon Food Service.  I am just so proud of him.  My husband has put up with difficult work conditions and a terrible work schedule for 4.5 years without ever missing a day..not one!

Sometimes we are granted the desires of our heart.  Pennsylvania has been good to me.  It has given me a husband and two great kids, along with pretty great in-laws and extended family.  But Michigan is and always will be home.  There are so many things I can't wait to experience with my kids.  I can't wait for my kids to get to know my parents and grandparents on a whole new level.  I can't wait to live by my cousins and raise our kids together.  I can't wait to be back at the church I grew up in.  Most days I can't believe this is happening.  It is so surreal..but it is VERY real!  Steve starts his new job September 22.  We are headed out there the weekend before he starts.  I'm starting the job search process...I forgot how much I hate it.  I have no idea where I will end up or what I will be doing...but I know God is faithful, and I know He has a better plan than I can every dare to imagine.

 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.  Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think,according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen

  Ephesians 3:14-17

Life is about to get busy...so I'd better get packing!